Invitation Wording: When And How One May Ask For An Invitation For A Stranger

by Emily Post

When And How One May Ask For An Invitation For A Stranger

One may never ask for an invitation for oneself anywhere! And one may not ask for an invitation to a luncheon or a dinner for a stranger. But an invitation for any general entertainment may be asked for a stranger—especially for a house-guest.

Example:

Dear Mrs. Worldly,

A young cousin of mine, David Blakely from Chicago, is staying with us.

May Pauline take him to your dance on Friday? If it will be inconvenient for you to include him, please do not hesitate to say so frankly.

Very sincerely yours,

Caroline Robinson Town.

Answer:

Dear Mrs. Town,

I shall be delighted to have Pauline bring Mr. Blakely on the tenth.

Sincerely yours,

Edith Worldly.

A man might write for an invitation for a friend. But a very young girl should not ask for an invitation for a man—or anyone—since it is more fitting that her mother ask for her. An older girl might say to Mrs. Worldly, "My cousin is staying with us, may I bring him to your dance?" Or if she knows Mrs. Worldly very well she might send a message by telephone: "Miss Town would like to know whether she may bring her cousin, Mr. Michigan, to Mrs. Worldly's dance."

There may be times when you receive an invitation to an occasion or have already received one and find that you now have a house-guest on the day of the event. It may also happen that there is a friend or acquaintance that you would like to bring to an event where the invitation did not expressly state that guests could bring a date. These are not usual situations and most hosts are prepared for them, if they receive your request in advance. Never just show up with someone in tow especially if it is to a lunch or dinner, simply because the host may not have prepared enough extra food for several guests to show up with unexpected strangers. It is just fine to ask for an invitation to a party or other more general occasion.

Send the host a note that is short and to the point, explaining the situation, something like: Dear Mrs. Wilson, My niece, Janet Brown from Santa Fe, is visiting us. May we bring her to your party on Saturday, June second? If this is inconvenient please do not hesitate to say so. Sincerely Helen Brown.

If the gathering is extremely informal and the host is a very close friend then an email, phone call, or even text may do. They are certainly preferable to just showing up with an extra person, unannounced. Asking for an invitation for a stranger would also be necessary if your visitor arrived without any notice. However, for a formal affair the request should be in writing and as far in advance as possible. The host would then send a formal written reply. Something on the order of: Dear Mrs. Brown, I would be delighted to have your niece Janet join us on the second. Sincerely yours, Mary Wilson.
Special thanks to Emily Post on her wonderful tips on etiquette and invites.
An Invitation For A Stranger